The Revenge of Frankenstein (1958) 1h 30m

You were the chosen one!  Bring balance to the force, not leave it in darkness!  Fucking Revenge of Frankenstein!  More like Rankenstein because this movie fucking stinks!

Nailed it!

We're important men.  Just look at
how tall our hats are!

The Revenge of Frankenstein is the last of our "Week of Hammer" and starts at the execution of Baron Frankenstein which is apparently at 9000 o'clock according to the church bells ringing.  Instead of losing his head he escapes and goes elsewhere in order to act as a real doctor all while continuing his experiments.  He has a new body all set up in order to do a live brain transplant and it's a success, but his patient doesn't want to be thrust into the public eye of science and the world.  He escapes and causes havoc only to begin to have his new body develop the same physical handicaps he faced with his prior vessel.  Stuff happens!

This started out okay but when there were a set of eyeballs on a stick that moved as an autonomous unit I was starting to question the quality of this film.  Don't get me wrong, there was some serious money thrown into the set designs and this was in color as opposed to most of the other Hammer films we covered this week, but in the end it was all for naught.  Not even Peter Cushing could keep me awake as this film descended from entertainment to a background lullaby as I began to doze on the couch.

We did get another actual Frankenstein Monster, but it came too late for me to care about anything.  Also, there's a fight in the lab early on which leads to tons of beakers full of shit breaking and I guess we have to assume they were all experiments on colored water as nothing bad happened.  No fires, no poison gas, just looks like someone pissed on the floor.

I give The Revenge of Frankenstein 1 Grand Moff Tarkin out of 5 only because of Peter Cushing:

Patchwork (2015) 1h 26m

There's been such an interesting 80's revival happening over time.  Maybe it's starting to taper off a bit, but we've had this odd nostalgia with the uptick of 80's inspired synthwave and all of these remakes of old beloved things or just homages to that time period.  Stranger Things hit that hard, the soundtrack to Drive (which, let's be honest, is fucking great), and the It remake.  I know the original It came out in 1990, but I get some leeway here.  So with a poster like I have posted above, I was expecting some sort of nod or throwback, which I got concept-wise, but it was so much more...

Patchwork is a horror comedy where Dr. Frankenstein hung out with Herbert West and they just happened to have three recently deceased women to combine into one.  However, instead of being of a single mind, each of the three women still exist inside of this creature.  It's kind of like an old episode of Herman's Head only each of them can be in control at the same time.  Their plan is to find out who did this to them, but along the way they turn their investigation into an outright murder spree.

I'm getting this out of the way first, but before the 3-in-1 woman unifies her look, she looks like a genderswap of the anime character Blackjack.  Seriously, look at this shit!

After I got over that revelation I got really into this movie.  There's a reference to Reanimator with a glowing green-filled syringe being the device that reanimates the body, a character playing the original Castlevania and doing the Frankenstein's Monster/Hunchback boss fight, and probably the greatest 15-seconds of film ever with the release of the Owlcat.  The acting is fantastic as our ladies' body movements are jerky and broken in all the right ways.  We're also treated to a wonderfully done rampage section in a frat house where she just puts in ear buds and dances/dispatches douche bags left and right.

You should definitely add this to your must-watch list for horror films if you haven't seen it yet.  It's just a fun time with a great take on body horror.  I will most likely add this film to my personal collection when I have the money.

I give Patchwork 5 surgical staplers out of 5:

Young Frankenstein (1974) 1h 46m

It has been ages since I've seen this film.  I think that this was the second Mel Brooks film I was introduced to (the first being Spaceballs because I was like nine or ten and rented it after some kids talking about it in elementary school).  It's always weird to go back to something as an adult and pick up on the humor you were too young to understand  It's not like this movie has a ton of it, but I did miss out on what there was when I was 12.

Young Frankenstein is a horror-comedy where the great-nephew (I think) of Frankenstein returns to his ancestor's castle and, despite his own aversion to being connected to his family's past work, creates a new monster.  Hi-jinx ensue during the entire movie.  That's the overall plot.

I'm don't want to ruin any of this film's jokes.  If you've ever seen a Mel Brooks film then you are familiar with they type of humor this has.  It is done in black & white like the classic Universal movies and stars Gene Wilder in one of his best comedic roles.  If you haven't seen this, you're missing out.  Unless you hate comedies or fun...

I give Young Frankenstein 4 real Frankenstein Castles out of 5:

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