The Song of Solomon blu-ray + Extras (2018: Unearthed Films)

 It's been a hot minute, but Saturday Screamers are back with the blu-ray release of The Song of Solomon!  Thanks to Unearthed Films and MVD for hooking us up with this disc for review.

When I first opened the plain manilla envelope and pulled this case out I got super psyched on that cover image.  How could you not?  A bloody priest straddling the body of a possessed women?  Sign me the fuck up!  Now the question is, does The Song of Solomon live up to the hype on the box?

Considered part of "The American Guinea Pig" films, The Song of Solomon focuses on the possession of a woman named Mary and the pending birth of the Antichrist.  Not too far into the film we find that the church is sending in exorcists less to remove the demon from Mary but more so to assist the coming evil.  The church spokesperson explains that once the Antichrist is born, then Christ will return seven years later.  So I guess they're looking at it as a "the ends justify the means" situation.

I really like the general plot of this film.  Maybe it's too many horror movies and black metal, but I can have that moment of "sure, the church could do something like that."  I found myself wanting more from of this story though.  Each exorcist is armed with some sort of Castlevania sounding holy relic but none of them really lead to anything.  Aside from her name, why is Mary chosen?  Why are each of these specific exorcists chosen?  The whole story is secondary to gore and mayhem, and this movie is like a Gwar concert turned up to 11 in that aspect.

Don't get me wrong, I love good practical effects, but this film is really an effects portfolio that just happens to have a plot around it.  Everything looks great but the shock and excitement get lost after the first few gallons of blood and each scene with an appliance goes on forever.  This film could've lobbed off a half hour just by editing down stuff like the priest yelling with his eyeballs in his hands.  Even the "behind the scenes" feature is just them laying out effects shots, making appliances for the shots, testing the appliances, and then shooting the scenes.  I get it!  The shit looked great but I shot my load over 20 minutes ago and I need some recuperation time before I'm ready again.

Despite that paragraph of complaining I will most likely watch The Song of Solomon again.  I think that this is the kind of movie you put on when you have someone over that thinks that since they've seen all 900 Saw films they can handle some crazy shit.  Then you put this crazy shit on and they apologize profusely for ever thinking they knew shit about dick.

EXTRAS:

I covered the Behind the Scenes above and there really isn't much more to add to that.  We do get a series of interviews with the actress that played Mary, the writer/director, and a few other people.  I watched those initial two interviews to get some insight but they were loosely structured and weren't what I was expecting.  This isn't to say that I didn't gleen some info from them, I just found it a bit hard to watch directly after having just finished The Song of Solomon.  I do plan to go back and finish the others and check out the commentary tracks as well.

Thanks again to Unearthed Films and MVD for this blu-ray.  If you're interested in picking up a copy for yourself you can pick it up here from Amazon for around $25.  If you end up buying it from the link there then 30 Days of Plight gets a bit of the sale and that goes back into paying for this site and fueling it with energy drinks.

Deathgasm (2015) 1h 26m

Can I just give this a 5 right now?  Seriously, this hit on all my favorite things as far as a horror-comedy.  It's fucking called Deathgasm for Lucifer's sake!

Take one part Evil Dead 2, one part John Dies at the End, and throw in every heavy metal album cover ever and you have Deathgasm.  After finding out there's an old metal musician in hiding in their town, Brodie and Zakk end up with a copy of "The Black Hymn."  Their shitty metal band (named Deathgasm) play the song and suddenly the town becomes possessed.

I haven't laughed out loud (on purpose) at a good horror-comedy in a while and this one had me rolling on the couch.  It's such a great combination of juvenile humor mixed with metal references, corpse paint, cheesy blood and gore, and even a Sub-Zero fatality at one point.  Also boobs... what's a metal movie without boobs?  Have you even seen Heavy Metal?

Fucking 5 pictures of Gaahl out of 5!!!!:

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Day 5: Sendero (Path) (2015) 1h 25m

You know, I was really excited to get back into doing this cut.  The holiday was over, I got my shit sorted, so I turned to Netflix in hopes that it would just feel the motivation and child-like energy I was ready to put back into this blog.  Then it gave me Sendero.  A film that moved slow and tried sooooooo hard to be edgy that all I could do was fart on the couch and count the minutes until I could play video games.

Sendero is set in Argentina and exists in some sort of time warp where I can't tell if it is the 80's or if it's modern times and this section of Argentina is so far behind that 80's style only just arrived.  We meet a group of 20-somethings getting together for a road trip.  For all horror films, this plot is fucking dead!

The group eventually encounter a woman sitting in the road, bleeding from multiple wounds.  Another vehicle shows up and the two guys inside get out and wreck our co-ed New Kids tribute act.  From here we meet the "family" of the two guys and some sort of mother-ish figure.  I'm not really sure what she is because she seems close to the same age, if not younger, and just dressed older.  This is where the ultimate fuckery begins.

We're treated to some confusing dialog, unnatural and excessive props (such as a web of chains keeping a guy chained to what I assume was a free standing window frame), and hyper-aggressive sexual displays.  It's like they saw an Eli Roth film and thought "we can do that," and then got drunk while coming up with ideas of what's edgy.

Here's a great example.  The guy chained the window is getting checked on by one of the two "family" guys.  The family guy eventually whips his dick out and starts jerking it in front of the chained man.  The other family guy, comes in and makes a scene about how the prisoners "aren't ours" and to never do that again, but then proceeds to bend the first guy over a chair and butt fuck him in front of the chained guy.

It's such a "man, this is fucked up, but let's make it more fucked up!!!" scene.  It was things like this that made me roll my eyes.  Add the fact that the subtitles were 1-2 lines behind what was being said onscreen made this film a goddamn knife to my eyes!  I rolled my eyes right into a knife, then rolled knives around my orbital cavities!

I give Sendero 0 Argentinian flag out of 5... but also a million couch farts: