The Song of Solomon blu-ray + Extras (2018: Unearthed Films)

 It's been a hot minute, but Saturday Screamers are back with the blu-ray release of The Song of Solomon!  Thanks to Unearthed Films and MVD for hooking us up with this disc for review.

When I first opened the plain manilla envelope and pulled this case out I got super psyched on that cover image.  How could you not?  A bloody priest straddling the body of a possessed women?  Sign me the fuck up!  Now the question is, does The Song of Solomon live up to the hype on the box?

Considered part of "The American Guinea Pig" films, The Song of Solomon focuses on the possession of a woman named Mary and the pending birth of the Antichrist.  Not too far into the film we find that the church is sending in exorcists less to remove the demon from Mary but more so to assist the coming evil.  The church spokesperson explains that once the Antichrist is born, then Christ will return seven years later.  So I guess they're looking at it as a "the ends justify the means" situation.

I really like the general plot of this film.  Maybe it's too many horror movies and black metal, but I can have that moment of "sure, the church could do something like that."  I found myself wanting more from of this story though.  Each exorcist is armed with some sort of Castlevania sounding holy relic but none of them really lead to anything.  Aside from her name, why is Mary chosen?  Why are each of these specific exorcists chosen?  The whole story is secondary to gore and mayhem, and this movie is like a Gwar concert turned up to 11 in that aspect.

Don't get me wrong, I love good practical effects, but this film is really an effects portfolio that just happens to have a plot around it.  Everything looks great but the shock and excitement get lost after the first few gallons of blood and each scene with an appliance goes on forever.  This film could've lobbed off a half hour just by editing down stuff like the priest yelling with his eyeballs in his hands.  Even the "behind the scenes" feature is just them laying out effects shots, making appliances for the shots, testing the appliances, and then shooting the scenes.  I get it!  The shit looked great but I shot my load over 20 minutes ago and I need some recuperation time before I'm ready again.

Despite that paragraph of complaining I will most likely watch The Song of Solomon again.  I think that this is the kind of movie you put on when you have someone over that thinks that since they've seen all 900 Saw films they can handle some crazy shit.  Then you put this crazy shit on and they apologize profusely for ever thinking they knew shit about dick.

EXTRAS:

I covered the Behind the Scenes above and there really isn't much more to add to that.  We do get a series of interviews with the actress that played Mary, the writer/director, and a few other people.  I watched those initial two interviews to get some insight but they were loosely structured and weren't what I was expecting.  This isn't to say that I didn't gleen some info from them, I just found it a bit hard to watch directly after having just finished The Song of Solomon.  I do plan to go back and finish the others and check out the commentary tracks as well.

Thanks again to Unearthed Films and MVD for this blu-ray.  If you're interested in picking up a copy for yourself you can pick it up here from Amazon for around $25.  If you end up buying it from the link there then 30 Days of Plight gets a bit of the sale and that goes back into paying for this site and fueling it with energy drinks.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose (2005) 1h 59m

Years ago I went with a group of people camping.  As night came, and we were sitting around the fire, we started attempting to tell ghost stories.  One of my fellow campers said he didn't have any ghost stories but he had seen this film so we told him to try and recap it since none of us saw it.  The next five minutes were a hodgepodge of a story which ended with the most blasé "and then she jumped out a window and died."  Everyone laughed their ass off and to this day I still think of that as a punchline to terrible stories.  Post script to this story, that isn't what happens.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose is barely a horror movie.  In truth this is a court drama that happens to revolve around priest that is being blamed for negligence in the death of Emily.  Most of the time is spent with lawyers and witnesses arguing between the science of the physical word and the existence of the spirit of the supernatural.  We are told the story from start to finish and there are some scenes of Emily before and during her possession but it's overshadowed by the litigation.

If I would've paid to see this film in theatres and this is what I got then I would be pissed.  The only saving grace of Emily Rose is Emily herself.  Jennifer Carpenter (Dexter) does a lot of the physical contortions on her own as well as her facial expressions and voices.  I spent some time looking into facts about this film and she was cast at the audition because she scared the director.  Big ups to you, Jennifer.

Speaking of the director of this film, I came across something saying that he wanted people to leave this film with more questions than answers.  You have a fictional court case and exorcism based off of a real account that happened in Germany.  You can't make something up and then have people seek out answers when you've created the universe it exists in!  Here's my question for you, why is this movie two hours of the most boring "horror" ever?  Riddle me that, Batman.

I give the Exorcism of Emily Rose 1 romance paperback titled "Exorcism" out of 5 (and that is only for Jennifer Carpenter):

Ava's Possessions (2015) 1h 29m

Someone reviewed this film as "The Hangover but with a lot more demons."  It's up there on that poster.  If The Hangover has become the standard description for any film where someone has a loss of memory and tries to figure out what happened during that time then that sucks.  The Hangover was a terrible movie and aside from the point I just touched on is not relatable to this film at all.

Ava's Possessions starts with an exorcism.  Once cleansed, to avoid jail time from her month long demon possession, Ava agrees to go to a recovery group for people that were inhabited by a demon.  Much like a regular 12-steps recovery, Ava has to seek out the people that she wronged to apologize but also to put the pieces together from her lost time.

This film had some great casting. Wass Stevens (that I know from being Max in Daria) was the demon possession counselor, Deborah Rush (Strangers With Candy) played Ava's mother, and mother fucking Carol Kane (Adam's Family Values / The Princess Bride / Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt / a million other awesome things) as the magick shop owner all killed it in Ava's Possessions.  Also, after a ton of possessed girl movies, it was great to see one just treat the possession with a recovery program.  It feels like a much more "modern" view instead of bumbling attempts with religious archaism or an obsession with The Exorcist.

Also, I want to give a quick shout out to whomever the person was that had to do the research for the demonic possession spell portion of the movie.  It was kind of a hodgepodge of stuff but I recognized the parts that were (if I'm remembering these details right) a Hermetic spell to ask for the favor of a demon.  It looked as the sigil on the floor was either Goetic or Enochian.  So thumbs fucking up for that.

On the flip side to this praise, the things I liked in this movie were overshadowed by the fact that it felt more like I was watching this for three hours as opposed to an hour and a half.  There was always something going on but the pacing just felt off.  Which leads me to my other complaint of the third act of this film had its own third act where they pushed all these reveals and explanations to the last little bit.  It felt really wrapped up well but instead of letting it ride they threw more and more onto you.  You probably aren't going to make a sequel to this.  This isn't like when Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm street were made and you needed to add a scene on to make a franchise.  Just let it go!

I give Ava's Possessions 2 Regans out of 5: