Cabin Fever (2016) 1h 39m

I didn't realize until the end of this film that I was watching a remake of the original movie.  They literally took the script from the Eli Roth original and did a re-shoot.  Was this really necessary?  I know I'm jumping into the shit talk on this way to early but for real?  It's not like you were rebooting the property or anything.  It's only made worse because I'm not really a fan of the original Cabin Fever to begin with.

If you're unfamiliar with the plot, a group of college kids rent a cabin in the country.  Early on we know that there is some sort of viral or bacterial outbreak based on an exploding dog named Pancakes.  After one of these college jag bags finds a gun at the cabin and accidentally shoots an infected man in the woods.  The man finds his way to their cabin where he vomits blood everywhere before being set on fire and runs off to dive into the local reservoir.  The disease begins to develop in our cabin kids and they all end up dead, one way or the other.

Neither this, nor the original are really scary as far as horror movies go.  They really get classified as body-horror for the squick feelings you get from seeing huge wet open sores or someone shaving their legs and literally shaving off strips of flesh.  The latter of which I don't remember seeing in this re-make.  I covered the prequel movie Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero a while ago but it doesn't add much to the lore.  It just makes me wonder what Sean Astin needed the money for.

Here is my head cannon for why this film even exists: Travis Z tells Eli Roth he wants to direct a movie but doesn't have the background to do anything big.  Eli Roth figures that Cabin Fever was his big breakout so he gives Travis Z the script, says he'll produce it, and assumes that lightning will strike twice.  Instead it hit a small child off to the side and both Eli and Travis are labeled as witches and burned at the stake.  The End.

I give the 2016 remake of Cabin Fever 1 Eli Roth PETA ad out of 5:

Ravenous (a.k.a. Les Affamés) (2017) 1h 44m

Do you like Cormac McCarthy?  In particular did you like The Road?  Do you wish that rather than the strange Mad Max raiders he put in there that the big bad were some sort of zombie/cannibal?  Do you also want it all presented to you in Canadian French?  Then brother I have a film for you!

Ravenous takes place in rural Quebec where a viral outbreak has turned people into a zombie-like state with a craving for flesh.  Our story focuses on a single man that tells jokes like your drunk uncle at a wedding.  He exists to lose his friend, gain a new female friend, acquire a small child, and join another small group of survivors.  Who lives?  Who dies?  Who was at risk of falling asleep during this movie?  Spoilers: The answer to the last one is me!

I'm not saying Ravenous is a bad film, it's just slow.  It's slower than most films I've complained about being slow.  Even when we're faced with someone fighting the infected it's not enough to get the adrenaline pumping.  This isn't helped by the generic attempts at getting the audience to establish a personal interest or connection with these characters.

Then I have my personal complaint with this film.  The woman that takes on the "mother" role of our group carries an accordion with her almost everywhere.  I own an accordion and let me tell you that those mother fuckers are heavy.  There is no way in hell I would consider carrying it on my back in an armageddon situation.

I do appreciate the personality of this film's infected.  They retained enough intelligence to be able to set traps as well as have an almost communal or pack mentality.  They don't overexert themselves by chasing prey until they drop and they work together.  They aren't perfect.  We get a few scenes of them just standing in a field waiting for something to catch their eye, but it's progress.

I give Ravenous 1.5 accordions out of 5:

Cabin Fever: Patient Zero (a.k.a. Cabin Fever 3: Patient Zero) (2014) 1h 31m

If you would've asked me (before I looked up the answer) if I thought this was another movie that just happened to have the Cabin Fever name slapped on it (as most of the later Hellraiser movies have been) then I would've said yes.  The truth of the matter is that this is a cannon part of the franchise and also meant to be a prequel.

Cabin Fever: Patient Zero is set on a remote island off of some Spanish speaking nation.  I assume it's Mexico because we're treated to a group of bachelor party jag bags that hire a boat to take them to this remote island.  Unknown to them the island is a research facility that's holding Sean Astin until he agrees to make Goonies 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Sean Astin is actually the typhoid Mary of this situation in that he carries the virus that causes you to turn into a fleshless mess.  The party people get into the facility after two of the people are infected and shit is an absolute mess from there.

This movie was bad.  Just that.  A simple four sentence description, or I can do it in one. CRAP!  There were two good parts to this whole film, and one of them happens during the credit sequence.  At that point we're shown in reverse how Mr. Astin infected the facility using a mouse covered in his blood.  That was legitimately well done.  the other is when an infected man with a gun tries to shoot one of our party people and the recoil from the gun snaps his hand off at the wrist and the combo shoots straight into his skull.  Otherwise, nothing new.  Also, the original Cabin Fever was just a dead vagrant in the water supply.  I don't remember it being any sort of weird zombie virus, unless I missed that part somehow.

I give Cabin Fever: Patient Zero 0 copies of The Hobbit out of 5:

Don't forget, you can follow us on Facebook and Twitter at 30daysofplight.

Day 30: Contracted: Phase II (2015) 1h 18m

It's really challenging to find any kind of zombie film these days that isn't beating a dead plot horse.  In fact, even if you've never seen a zombie film, odds are that the increase in the phenomena surrounding zombie films means you could list off the primary identifiers.  While most people spend their time arguing over Dawn of the Dead fast or Night of the Living Dead shambling, I just want something different.  Contracted: Phase II delivered.

The sequel to 2013's Contracted, Phase II follows our main character Riley.  After the zombification and death (re-death?) of his friend Alice he begins to see signs of the zombie virus in himself.  The big difference with the virus in this case as compared to most other zombie films is that it is transmitted via intimate contact.  This can be anything from a kiss up to and including sexual intercourse.  In fact, we get one of the grossest scenes I've ever seen where Riley is having a flashback to having sex with Alice (still human) and I guess he pulls out and a ton of maggots just fall onto the floor.  The process doesn't kick in after death, here it is a slow build up of the body breaking down and decomposing while the person is still alive.  This leads to some amazing make-up.

I could really gush all over this review about the make-up.  Huge worms coming out of infected wounds, a nose bleed that is literally a deluge of blood, the grossest puss color and consistency I've ever seen, infected pustules that shift their fluid and tension as Riley moves, and an arm scratching moment that made me want to hide my eyes.  I'm not squeamish when it comes to horror.  Most of the time I can watch blood and dismemberment without issue.  But if you make it just real enough that I can actually imagine it happening to me, then you fucking win the prize.

The bulk of Contracted: Phase II is Riley attempting to deal with what is happening to him, but then him trying to track down the man that is the cause of it.  A mixture of Patient Zero and Typhoid Mary, this man passed on the virus when he sexually assaulted Alice, but never becomes a zombie himself.

I need to watch the first film to get the back story.  That's not to say that I didn't gather an understanding by watching this film by itself.  Either way, give these films a shot.  This one was rather short compared to most movies and it was paced well.  If nothing else, watch it for the great make-up effects.

I give Contracted: Phase II 3 condom bananas out of 5: