The Pack (2015) 1h 30m

Australia is well known as one of those places where everything that can kill you pretty much lives there.  Land, sea, air, nowhere is safe.  So when people from Australia make a horror movie about packs of wild dogs then I assume they must have some insane steroid laced dogs using bath salts mixed with meth on their continent.

Unfortunately, The Pack doesn't go any further than a home invasion movie with dogs.  In addition to that, dogs are shit actors.  I'm pretty sure I mentioned this when I covered Cujo but you can't have a scary dog when the dog's posture is happy or submissive.  Just because you taught it to snarl doesn't change other dog behavior.

Also, this film isn't frightening in the least.  As i mentioned above, maybe in Australia it is but I was just bored through this.  Also, the daughter sucks in this.  She doesn't play any kind of major role but all she does is complain that she's stuck there and why can't she move to the city.  Mother fucker!  They're foreclosing on your house!  That's why you can't!  You need a job that doesn't rely on your parents or your parents' shit!  Maybe Millennials are the true horror... or whatever generation this girl counts for.  The fuckin' worst generation.  Damn, I'm old...

I give The Pack 0 adorable fluffy puppies out of 5:

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Day 12: Cujo (1983) 1h 32min

All that I ever knew about Cujo was that it was a movie about a dog that kills people and it was written by Stephen King.  Apparently Mr. King has been quoted as saying that his drinking problem was so bad at this time that he doesn't even remember writing the book.  That right there should be grounds for why this movie shouldn't have been made.  While there have been many alcoholic writers throughout history, Stephen King was not one of the ones that wrote fucking masterpieces while in a drunken haze.

Coming into this I hoped Cujo was some demon possessed hound from hell.  Instead, it's literally just about a dog that chases a rabbit into a secret entrance to the Bat Cave.  His barking wakes bats and they bite his face, thus starting the demonic plague of rabies!  You know that part in the bible where Jesus happens upon a man possessed by many demons and they say their name is Rabies...  yeah, because rabies isn't evil!  It sucks for an animal to get it, but it's not scary.

Also, why weren't those bats showing signs of rabies?  Once signs show an animal dies in the next 10 days.  Bats don't just have rabies like snakes have venom.

Most of this film is people screaming and the dog barking.  "Cujo" does sound much better than "Dog Barks/People Scream: The Movie." Cujo mostly takes place with a boy and his mom being trapped in a broken car while Cujo constantly tries to fuck them up.  The kid is an awful actor and only wears pajamas most of the time.  He apparently dies in the book, but lives in at the end of the movie.  I couldn't care either way.

That's it!  That's Cujo!  Rabid dog fucks shit up!  Apparently there are people that think Cujo's problem isn't actually the rabies but rather he is possessed by the spirit of Frank Dodd from King's The Dead Zone.  It's the same area and there is a brief mention of Dodd at the beginning, but I feel this is just people wanting to make this movie more interesting that it really is.  The dog has rabies and becomes an asshole.  End of story.

I give Cujo 0 VW Rabbits out of 5