Ghost House (2017) 1h 29m

At some point soon I would like to write a book that's an "everything I needed to know about life I learned from horror movies" type thing.  In it I plan on having a section on foreign travel because holy fuck do white tourists just do the dumbest shit!  Agreeing to ride out to the country in a foreign land with people you just met, yeah, fucking stupid!  Taking an object from something called a "ghost house," you're an idiot!  Basically being a tourist, you're probably an asshole, and I say that living in a city that is a tourist wonderland.

Ghost House sets us up with a couple on vacation in Thailand. On their first day they befriend two other tourists that are staying in their hotel.  After an evening of drinks and strippers our couple is convinced to go out to a remote spot because the fiancé is jealous of her man friend having lipstick on his face and she is told that she could get some cool pictures out there.  The other couple tricks them so that a spirit possessing their friend will possess our cranky lady.  Now, with the help of their tour driver (Gogo) our man seeks out all kinds of shaman and mystics to save his betrothed.  He has three days to do so before her soul is taken into the abyss.

This film had a really sharp reverse bell curve.  It started out strong, despite relying heavily on jump scares, but there were about 15-20 minutes where it just couldn't keep my interest.  By the end of the film it came back around and I want to create an award just to give to the actress that played the witch at the end (or whatever she might be called, my occult knowledge doesn't extend too far into Asiatic countries).  She by far has the best "fuck you I did it!" laugh I've ever heard.

As for our ghost woman, except for the very end she is shown in quick and jerky shots.  We get a few close-ups which end up disappointing because the facial appliance looks a bit rough.  I don't know if it's what they molded it out of, or the paint job, but it looks a bit too Halloween mask for me.  I've also been rewatching Syfy's FaceOff from the beginning and I'm finding myself more critical of stuff like that.  Curse you Glenn Hetrick!

I give Ghost House 2 ghost houses out of 5:

Day 20: Dark Summer (2015) 1h 21m

Few things are weirder than watching a movie set around a guy that is on house arrest for cyber stalking and realizing the actor kind of resembles your ex.  Well, not your ex, my ex.  Which wouldn't be weird for you, unless you knew him too.  It makes it weirder because I wonder if he could cyber stalk someone... oh god!  He could be doing it right now! WooooOOOOOOOOoooooo!  That should be read as a spooky ghost noise, not some sort of cheer.

Dark Summer follows Daniel on his post cyber crime/ankle bracelet probation.  After getting his friends to bury a router in the neighbors yard (which, fuck you, that wouldn't work) he ends up getting a Skype call from the girl he was stalking and she kills herself on camera.  From here Daniel begins to have these episodes which could be chalked up to craziness, but you actually find out it's because the girl cast a love spell on him which caused the start of his obsession.  This entire film is a set-up for the spirit of the girl trying to come back to be with Daniel.

That's probably the easiest and shortest description of an entire film I've ever done, but that's it.  There's nothing too interesting.  The ghost related scenes aren't super great and the spellwork was dumb.  The only thing that made me have any feelings during this movie was when the best-friend/secret crush of Daniel gave him a jar full of 1000 paper stars and the ghost breaks it.  Fuck that ghost girl.  Fuck Daniel.  Fuck this movie.

I give Dark Summer 1 jar of stars out of 5: