Friday's Choice Cuts: The Splatterhouse Video Game Series (Namco/Namco Bandai)

That magazine ad started it all.  I was on the cusp of turning 10 and flipping through a Gamepro magazine when I saw it: Splatterhouse.  The lower left screen shot had the main protagonist (Rick) shooting a shotgun at a guy with chainsaws for arms and a bag on his head.  I thought that was the coolest looking thing ever.

Unfortunately, my local arcade never got a cabinet of Splatterhouse, and the only person in my town with a Turbografx 16 had the game but they were older than me and the few times I asked if I could try Splatterhouse he always said he didn't want anyone playing his Turbografx.  It didn't help that the system was fucking insanely expensive.

Luckily I had a Genesis and they eventually made Splatterhouse 2 and 3 for that system.  When I became an adult and learned of emulators I was able to play the arcade and the Turbografx port.  Then I even tracked down a Famicom rom with its chibi art style.  In 2010 (20 years after the original port) a reboot was put released and as you completed the game it unlocked the arcade game as well as 2 and 3.  If nothing else it's worth the money for that.

Now that I've dragged you on my nostalgia journey, what is Splatterhouse?  It's a horror game where your girlfriend Jennifer is kidnapped (a lot) and Rick dons something known as the Terror Mask which grants him intense strength to fight everything from poltergeists to severed heads controlled by an inverted cross (or tombstone if it's the TG port).  You get all the typical weapons such as a 2x4, a shotgun, a giant meat cleaver, etc.  I think the only thing that's missing is getting your own chainsaw.  All of these, with the exception of the reboot, are side-scrollers.  You do have moments where you interact with some background elements depending on the level.

If you're into horror and video games then I definitely recommend seeking these out.  I know the Namco collection on the Nintendo e-store has the original port but if you e-Bay a copy of the 2010 game for PS3 then I recommend that.  I paid something like $5 for mine but in truth, it'll be priceless to me because I finally get to play all of the Splatterhouse (no thanks to you, Billy!  Fuck your Turbografx!)

Friday's Choice Cuts: Resident Evil 7: Biohazard (Capcom)

I mentioned during the last mini-Cut that our household purchased the latest in the Resident Evil series.  Now, we played through it once and I've since watched the Super Best Friends LP of it as well as the Game Grumps LP so I've seen a ton of stuff we missed on our sessions.

Resident Evil (or Biohazard as it's known in Japan) set the stage for modern survival horror video games.  When Resident Evil 4 was released it evolved the series out of survival horror and into a more action-horror feel.  RE4 and RE5 were both great games but moved further away from what the original fans wanted.  Resident Evil 6 was rough.  Really rough.  It became the turning point which lead to Resident Evil 7: Biohazard.

(A quick aside:  I know I'm totally skipping things like Outbreak, Dead Aim, the Chronicles games, Revelations, and Operation Raccoon city.  For the sake of this review I wanted to stick to the core series.)

Resident Evil 7 was herald as a return to survival horror, a game for the original fans.  When we first started playing this game we got super hyped on it.  There were jump scares, sneaking around while trying to solve puzzles and find items, and more importantly, a scary human element chasing you.

The story follows Ethan (you) going to a random home in the swamps of Louisiana after getting a video message from his missing wife, Mia.  You end up being captured by the Baker family that lives in the house and when you find your wife she seems to have these violent episodes where her personality switches.  You eventually are contacted by Zoe, the daughter of the family, who attempts to help you find the cure you need to help Mia and also cure Zoe.

A majority of this game was really good.  My issues with it come in the form of the boss fights.  Typical to an RE game you have boss fights where you need to find the target item or spot in order to win.  They broke up the flow of the game and killed the immersion.  To go from sneaking around a decaying house to suddenly having to fight a spider-person with huge orange eye targets all over its body is a jarring experience.

We also encountered a poor cut in this game where if you choose Zoe instead of Mia at this one point there's an event and cut but it still has you just become Mia instead of Zoe in the next scene which made no sense.

It's not perfect, but it's definitely a great big leap in the right direction.  The game looked amazing, played really well, and from what I saw of people doing the VR, it makes for a much more frightening experience.  There's DLC which revolves around each of the members of the Baker family but it isn't necessary and one is just a shitty mercenaries-mode esq thing where you play as Zoe to get food and booze for Jack to eat on his birthday.  There is some shit animation there as Jack appears to just eat the bottle of wine.  That said, I'm looking forward to when RE8 comes out... unless they fuck that up.

Best moments:
+ Jack doing sick burnouts in his garage
+ Old woman's face melting scene which reminds me of Raiders of the Lost Ark
+ Creep ass clockwork clown