Boys in the Trees (2016) 1h 52m

Initially I wasn't sure if this movie was set in the 90's or if Australia is somehow two decades behind us when it comes to music.  It was probably one of my least valid thoughts about Australia ever, not that I'm thinking about Australia a lot.  It's not like I sit by the phone waiting for Australia to return my calls.  We only went on one date after all...

Boys in the Trees is set in 1997, just so we're all on the same page.  Of course the soundtrack of Marilyn Manson, The Presidents of the United States of America, and Rammstein should tip you off that we're in that decade... or that you're riding in my car.  Being that this isn't in my car, you're in Australia where a bunch of skater kids are dicks to another boy (Jonah).  We find out that our main character (Corey) was once friends with the outcast but Corey ran away when Jonah needed him.  Later that evening Jonah wipes out a quarter pipe and hits his head.  He convinces Corey to walk him home but their journey takes them further down memory lane than initially thought.  The whole time things seem off with Jonah.  It isn't until we reach the end of the journey do we find out why.

This isn't a horror movie.  It's a hard drama that just happens to have a small supernatural reveal.  However, this film does a really good job of making you feel as though something is going to jump out at you.  Stories of ghosts, shadows of wolves, and ominous visuals trick your mind into expecting the spook that never comes.  The fact it's Halloween night only adds to this false tension, especially when we encounter the gang of skater miscreants.

I'm not going to spoil it, but there's a really good moment at the end where the "leader" of the skaters does something out of character and the other skaters all remove their Halloween masks.  It's very much a "under this monstrous exterior they're still just lost boys" moment, but it creates such a sense of change in that world.  Or maybe it's a sense of self-realization among that group.  Either way, it makes the overall ending that much stronger.  At least to me.  You might totally hate that kind of thing, but then the real monster was you all along!

I give Boys in the Trees 3.5 boy in tree Hummels out of 5:

Spawn (1997) 1h 36m

If I ever have a child and he asks me "Papa, what were the 90's like," (I picture my child as a small British boy if you're wondering what that should sound like) then I would show him this movie.  Then if he asked me what "horror" is then I would tell him "not fucking Spawn the movie!"  Unfortunately Netflix thinks Spawn is a horror movie, so here we go.  Fuckin' 90's out the ass!

If you're not familiar with Spawn, this is a film adaptation of a comic book.  Originally created by Todd McFarlane, Spawn really pushed comics in both good and bad directions.  I could go into this for more than I could talk about this movie but this is a fucking horror film blog!  Not comic nerd talk!  That's if I want to start another blog.

The plot of Spawn is simple:  Al Simmons is murdered, then he gets offered a chance at revenge by the ruler of Hell (Malebolgia) if he promises to lead the army of Hell once Al is done.  Thus, Al becomes Spawn.  We have our angel and devil characters in Cogliostro and Clown.  The one attempts to turn him to the side of good while the other works for Malebolgia and pushes for chaos.

Clown is what truly makes this movie.  John Leguizamo fucking destroys everyone else in this film with this character.  Who would have thought?  You don't hear much about him, but this one film he nails the role perfectly.  Also he actually bit into a piece of pizza covered in live maggots during the filming.  Way to go the extra mile, John.

As for the rest of Spawn... well... this film combines the worst elements of the early comics and puts them in here while also glossing over the concept of "when you use up your power you die for real."  Hell, the comics eventually dropped this plot device too.  There used to be a counter at the end of every issue telling you how much power Spawn had left, then they deus ex'd it and that was that.  So this movie is mostly guns and really really dated CGI.  Fucking goofy flames, Malebolgia does not hold up in CGI form, an army of CGI spawns that move in 3-second loops and have multiples of themselves... shit is wiggity wiggity wack by today's standards.  As a kid though I fucking loved all of it...

So while not a horror film, and still tinted a bit by nostalgia, this film ends up being a fun mess.  The soundtrack is full of spooky 90's bands like Marilyn Manson and "techno."  I use quotes because electronic music and the EDM scene has come a long fucking way from when we used to just refer to it as solely "techno."

You don't have to know a thing about Spawn to watch it, and that may work out to your advantage.  Otherwise you end up nitpicking shit like me.

I give Spawn 2.5 bad CGI bee things out of 5:

Friday's Choice Cuts: Nightmare (aka Atmosfear) (1991: A Couple 'A Cowboys/J.W. Spears & Sons)

image from Bloody-Disgusting.com

Since I mentioned it earlier this week while covering Beyond the Gates I figured today's Choice Cut would be the Nightmare VCR board game (or if you're in other parts of the world it might be known as Atmosfear... which is weird because I definitely remember commercials for both as a kid).

As far as the board game portion goes, your goal is simple:  Collect keys and then make it to the center.  In the center are pieces that each player wrote their own "nightmare" on and you have to pick one and hope it isn't yours.  If you do this, and accomplish it all before the VHS is done, you win.  You'll have cards to play at specific times too which will require you to yell or do something in order to gain an advantage.  The fate cards are like "chance" in Monopoly where it might be good or bad.  Each of your characters are taken from religious, folk, or actual history.  For example, you could play as the blood countess Elizabeth Bathory, or the king of the Ghede in Vodou, Baron Samedi.  Of course they just have their name and list them as "vampire," or "zombie" so it's not getting too in depth there.

Now for the tape part.  This is the golden portion of the board game.  With the first game you get a random guy in shitty lighting and a potato sack hood as the "Gatekeeper."  He will assign you to do things, banish you to the black hole, free you from the black hole, or just make you do weird stuff before continuing.  As you get in the last 10-15 minutes of the game he gets fucking bat shit crazy with making weird noises and saying crazy stuff.  I can see why, if you were a kid, and you played this in the dark with some friends, you might piss your TMNT undies with this guy popping up randomly and screaming at you.  As an adult it's just hilarious but you'd be surprised how quickly people get into it.  You can actually check out the video on YouTube, or just watch some of it now here:

There are supposedly two sequels to it with booster tapes and then a reboot of sorts that came out in 2004.  As I mentioned, I have the second game (or the first booster) but I haven't played it yet.  I have watched some of the tape and it's pretty much the same thing only this time with Baron Samedi as the gatekeeper.

I lucked out and found this for $3 at a thrift store around 10 years ago.  I'm sure it could be in others as well because who really owns a VCR any more?  However, you can play this just via YouTube and there are pictures of the board and rules online so you could basically do your own.  Although if you want you could just put the video on at a party or make it into a drinking game.

Day 8: Vampire In Brooklyn (1995) 1h 40m

As a kid I thought this movie was okay.  I'm sure I initially watched it on the USA network or something random like that, but as an adult I wasn't sure this would hold up.  Now, I'm very much a white guy, but like most rural/suburb white kids I grew up watching stuff like Martin, In Living Color, Living Single, and really liking those shows.  They don't hold up well now because I could fake identify with them then, but living in cities for my adult life has made me not relate to them at all... plus Fire Marshall Bill is pretty fucking dumb.

So with adolescent flashbacks out of the way, I was fucking floored when Wes Craven came up as the directing credit for this!  Most of the time everyone thinks of Nightmare on Elm Street or Scream, but never fucking Vampire In Brooklyn!  The more surprising thing is that this is meant to be more of an "urban" horror film, and it pulls it off well for the mid-90's.  I will say that the characters are a bit stereotypical, and while I love John Witherspoon, the man only has one fucking character he plays in every film.

What we get with Vampire In Brooklyn is a good backstory of vampires originating in Egypt, but later being scattered to Eastern Europe and even the New World.  That I can buy.  Eddie Murphy's accent as a vampire... not so much.  We get a typical vampire movie plot of he wants a specific girl and does everything in his power to get her.  Rather than a Renfield we get Kadeem Hardison becoming Eddie's "ghoul" and rotting/falling apart the whole time.  He's no Tom Waits, I'll tell you that... but it's also how the character is written in this.

I was behind Eddie Murphy in this film until, as my notes so masterfully describe, "Fuck Eddie Murphy dog exploder," and "Killed a cat."  Yeah, at one point Eddie looks at a police dog and sparks appear under the dog as he shoots into the air and dies in water some 50-yards away.  He also disguises himself as a shitty ganster wanna be and shoots a cat.  It's weird.  Chainsaw people in half, torture them, make them eat their own butt raw, whatever; I'm fine with that.  You "kill" an animal and you're instantly a scumfuck.  Maybe I'm the real monster after all...

So bringing it back to did this film hold up?  Sure, it was actually still good. If I were going to recommend an urban horror film though, this wouldn't be the top on my list.  That goes to Bones.  Honestly, Snoop and that crew did a good job of making a modern version of classic Italian horror... urban classic Italian horror?  urban horror Italian classic?  Unlimited salad and bread sticks?

I give Vampire In Brooklyn 3 copies of Delirious out of 5:

Day 6: Event Horizon (1997) 1h 36m

Infinite Space.  Infinite things that this movie reminded me of...  I didn't see it when it came out, but my main comment on this whole film is "Holy fuck is this movie super 90's!"

Event Horizon looked like someone watched a bunch of Nine Inch Nails videos and then decided to set them in space.  Also, within the first 10 minutes I had already created a list of things, related to this movie, that I would rather be doing.  These include: Watching Alien, playing Doom, listening to The Downward Spiral... you get the point

Our basic premise is that the dude from Jurassic Park built the spaceship the Event Horizon.  After not hearing anything from the crew there is another group, lead by Laurence Fishburne, which set out to do recon.  Upon arrival everyone begins to experience hellish hallucinations.  These range from a woman seeing her child with horrible burns on his legs, to our JP star reliving his wife's suicide.  All of this lead into the reveal that the ship has has a device on it which might as well be the lament configuration from Hellraiser.  It sucked the old crew into another dimension of torture and pain (like Hellraiser) and then returned.

In the interest of full disclosure, I fell asleep with 10 minutes left in this movie.  It wasn't a bad film by any means, it was just a bit slow in the pacing.  I did go back and watch the ending of the film later, but I have the feeling of "Eh, I watched it... I'm good."

I give Event Horizon 2 copies of The Downward Spiral out of 5: