The Black Room (2017) 1h 31m

There had to have been some house, empty since the mid-80's, that was getting renovated and they found this script hidden in the floorboards.  The only catch is that it was written by some 14 year old boy that was sexually repressed and this was the closest he would ever get to woods porn.  Then this cursed script found its way to a director who adjusted himself and decided to make it come to life!

The Black Room has a traditional horror premise: house has a demon in it, new couple moves in, demon attempts to use them for his evil purpose.  The difference here is that the demon is hyper-sexual in order to create a human/demon hybrid child.  So think Amityville Horror meets Species.  You know, two films you never thought you'd hear compared in the same sentence.

I feel like this would be one of those VHS tapes I would see for rent as a kid and the cover would scare the shit out of me. It looks so 1984 horror.  The entire film had that vibe, just under a modern lens.  The old school rotoscoped lightning effects existed with modern practical effects and make-up for a good blend.  I will say that The Black Room had a few sloppy moments with such things as showing a full hand after the fingers just got cut off or, and this is more of a personal gripe, a brand new GBH patch on the goth/occult girl's bag.  Seriously, she's not listening to GBH.  Fuck, I'm not sure anyone still listens to GBH and that includes people that were in that fucking band.

There are also unexplained elements that aren't important to the story but still confusing.  Did this couple buy the house fully furnished and just moved in?  Are they not creeped out by that?  Who has a giant Tibetan Buddha statue when you walk into your house?  Why would you not cement over that door in the first place?  Scorpion tail dicks?!

I give The Black Room 2.5 Mortal Kombat Scorpions out of 5:

Day 9: The Girl in the Photographs (2015) 1h 35m

I don't know so much about this being a "brutal thriller" any more that I could assume that Wes Craven would have been proud of this (this was the last film he had any involvement in prior to his death).  I, however, don't really find this to be "brutal."  I feel like people that use this term in cases like this don't listen to metal.  Although, that quote is from Fangoria... so maybe they listen to some weird metal I don't know about that specifically sings about white guys having henchman that are bald, refuse to wear a shirt or underwear, don't speak, and live in a weird basement room where he apparently didn't find enough woods porn to cover more than a small section of the concrete wall.  Actually, that does sound kind of brutal...

The Girl in the Photographs revolves around a woman that has a stalker but doesn't know it.  She only knows that there's something fucked up happening because she keeps finding photos of murdered females that the killer leaves specifically for her to find.  He is also posing his "models" in similar poses as a famous photographer that came from their town.  This photographer (Kumar from Harold and Kumar) decides to return home to find the photos and do a shoot for inspiration.  He's a total dick sandwich with mayo, questionable mayo.

This is pretty much the whole film.  I was bored as fuck.  The ending was actually decent for TGitP but, in this case, the ends do not justify the means.  If that were the case then this should've been done in a short film format and then I could go back to playing Dark Souls III.

I give The Girl in the Photographs 1 woods porn mag out of 5: